Title: Burning for Eternity By: Dana! (SwooshDH@aol.com) Rated: PG Keywords: Mulder/Scully UST Summery: Scully's cancer hasn't gone into remission. How does Scully deal with this burden on her shoulders? And how will Mulder cope? Disclaimer: Nope, I don't own 'em! If I did, I'd be sitting in a chair made from gold while drinking a Coke and talking to Tom Hanks and Ben Afleck on three-way! LOL! Burning for Eternity Dana Scully looked at the office. Five years, Dana...you still don't have a desk. She rummaged through her belongings, picking up numerous pictures of Mulder and herself. Under different circumstances, I might have actually kept them. Placing the pictures on Mulder's desk, she sighed sadly. Mulder, please come in the office...I need to talk to you..She picked up a sunflower seed that had made it's way onto her side of the desk. Eyeing the seed, she placed it in her pocket. Then she started placing her valuables in a bag. Ten minutes later, she found herself sitting in Mulder's chair, fingering a pencil. Her eyes drifted around his desk, eventually stopping at a certain picture. Picking it up, she stared at the little girl smiling back at her. Would things have been different if I...SHE had never disappeared? Would I be sitting here today with cancer if Samantha were here? Anger washed through Scully, and she placed the picture down. My abduction, this cancer, my sister...all caused by one quest. The sound of the door opening stalled her train of thought as she glanced up. "House cleaning, Scully?" "Who else is going to do it?" "Oh, I don't know...Skinner seemed up for the job." Scully forced a smile, then looked down towards the floor. Mulder immediately sensed it. 'What's wrong, Scully?" "Nothing, Mulder...I'm fine." She tried not to meet his gaze. Mulder spun the chair around until he was face to face with her. "Tell me...please." She looked towards the floor, and spoke. "The...the cancer...my cancer isn't getting any better..." She stopped and looked up when she heard the crashing of glass. "Damnit, Scully! You have to get second opinions...Doctors CAN make mistakes...valuable ones, for God's sake!" He leaned against the file cabinet and held his head. "Mulder..please..don't do this to me...not now...Mulder? Mulder, please talk to me..." Silence. With tears welling up in her eyes, Scully picked up her bag and left the room, slamming the door behind her. Walking into her apartment, Scully threw her bag onto the couch and collapsed on the floor. Then she kneeled on the floor and started to sob. She cried because of her cancer, because of Mulder...because of the life that she'd never be able to live. She cried tears of pain, of anguish, but most of all: Defeat. She realized that, at the moment, she felt utterly helpless. I said I wasn't going to let this defeat me, and I'm not going to give up now...Not you, Dana. She wiped her face with her hands and stood, walked over to the couch, and reached inside the bag. Remembering she had placed it in her pocket, she took out the sunflower seed. She looked at it, then kissed it, and placed it back in her pocket. I should've said something. I should've answered her, because I - if all people - should know when Scully needs comfort, Mulder silently spoke to himself in the darkness of the office. Instead, you let her slam the door in your face. He sighed and stood up. Walking over to his desk, Mulder noticed the pictures Scully had placed there. Picking one up, he glanced at the image: Scully and him, on a case. Both had FBI jackets on. They had been on duty that day. A tear fell onto the picture, right in-between the two faces in the image. He gathered all the pictures and put them in his desk. Then he picked up his coat and left. Scully was awaked by the sound of knocking at her apartment door. With tearstained eyes, she looked through the peephole. "Can I come in?" ".....All right." Mulder walked in, and waited until Scully closed the door to speak. "Scully...I'm sorry...I realized tonight that...I don't know how to deal with this...I..." "I know...It's hard for me, too, Mulder..." She looked up at him, then closed the distance between them for a hug. Mulder held her tight, and put his chin on her head. "You'll be OK...I have faith in you..." He spoke into her hair. A tear fell out of Scully's eye as she thought: I hope you're right...God, I hope you're right. "You'll be taking some time off, I presume." "Yes, sir. I'm not sure how long I will be away from work." Skinner ruffled some papers. "Oh, that's all right...health comes first." 'Yes, it does, sir..."Scully glanced at Mulder, who was restlessly fidgeting in his seat, "...Is that all, sir?" "Yes, you can leave." He stood up and motioned for the two of them to go. Scully stood up and started to walk out of the office, when a voice caught her in her tracks. "Agent Scully?" "Yes, sir?" "Good luck." Skinner gave her a sad smile. Scully was silent for a second. Then she said, "Thank you, sir", and left. The walk back downstairs to their office was spent in silence. When they walked in, Scully turned. "I...I wanted to give you something before I go." Scully began to work the clasp on the back of her cross. "Scully, no -- " "Yes...Mulder, I want you to have this. When I'm gone - " Mulder turned away from her, unwilling to hear what she was about to say. "Mulder..." She turned him around so she could see his face. "Mulder...When I'm gone..." Mulder's face visably flinched at the word. "I need you to have this. Please...take it." Mulder reluctantly took the cross, and placed it around his own neck. Scully sadly smiled. "It looks good on you, Mulder." Mulder looked down in a silent prayer. Scully looked up at her partner. "Ready?" 3 weeks later Scully walked into the hospital bathroom. Walking took most of her strength now, she realized. She stopped in front of the mirror, and looked at her reflection. A little pale...but that's normal, Dana. Scully reached over the sink and grabbed her brush. Looking in the mirror, she combed through her hair. She watched as a huge amount of hair came out. Frantic, Scully started brushing harshly, and began to sob uncontrollably as hair kept on falling out in heaps. Her body started to shake uncontrollably, as more hair fell onto the floor. Scully dropped the brush on the floor, and walked over to her bed as fast as was possible. Sobbing, she reached up to the dresser and took her sunflower seed off. Holding it in her palm, she sobbed until there were no tears left. The apartment was dark, except for the sliver of light shining through the shades. Empty bottles carpeted the floor. Mulder sat on his couch, drinking. Throwing the done bottle across the room, he laid back on the couch. Lifting his hands to his neck, he outlined the gold cross with his finger. "Scully", he whispered. He glanced around his apartment. What am I doing? Mulder took a deep breath, exhaled, and exited the musty apartment. Mulder felt his heart fall as he stepped into the bright room. He saw Scully: Sleeping, her head turned to one side. One arm hung off the bed, and he noticed she was clutching something in her palm. Bending over, he opened her tiny hand and watched as the seed fell to the ground. He picked it up and held it to his face. Another tear fell down his cheek as he kissed the seed. To him, this seed meant life; to him, and to Scully. "No matter what happens, Scully...I'll be here..." he whispered, and quietly placed the seed back in her hand and closed it. Then he pulled a chair up to her bedside, and fell asleep with his hand held protectively over her arm. Scully awoke to the sound of rustling footsteps. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she peered right into Mulder's face. "Mulder..what - " "I came by to say hello." He gave a forced smile as he saw her condition. "Oh..ok, Mulder. Hi...", Scully said, and attemped to run her fingers through her hair. This was something Scully did sub-consiously...until she remembered. She tried not to cry, but couldn't stop the tears from automatically welling up in her blue eyes. She put her hand down and stared at the strands of hair wrapped around her fingers. Mulder reached out and hugged her. "It'll be all right...you're strong...one of the strongest I've ever known...don't worry..." 2 weeks later "Mulder...this isn't working...I've been trying to wear this for weeks....this is not working at all..." "You'll get used to it, Scully..trust me: Soon you won't even know it's there." "You...have a way with words, Mulder...I'm grateful." Scully gave a wry smile. "I try, Scully." The sound of the door opening broke the obvious connection between Mulder and Scully. "Ms. Scully...ready for your treatment?" "Yeah." "Want me to stay here?" "I.." Scully paused. "I would like that." "You got it." Mulder followed her down the hallway of the hospital. 4 weeks later 'We've tried convntional treatment...unconventional treatment...We've attacked this cancer every way we currently know how - " "What!? A few weeks ago, Scully was walking! She was getting better! So, what you're telling me is you're just going to wait for her to die!?" "Mr. Mulder, we HAVE tried everything...there's nothing more you can do. Most cancer victims win battles...but they most always lose the war." "No...I think you're mistaken, Dr. Scully is LIVING WITH CANCER...she is NOT a cancer victim...I can assure you she will NEVER fall into that category." Mulder stared fiercely at the doctor, his heart burning in his eyes. "You cannot completely shut out the possibility that Ms. Scully may not live another week...you have to understand that - " The doctor's answer was a door slamming, the sound echoing throughout the halls. Mulder walked to Scully's room, and slowly opened the door. "Scully...you awake?" "Mulder..come in." Scully's harsh whisper was almost silent. Mulder sat on her bedside and held her hand. "I was just talking to Dr. Harrison..." "I know..I could hear you." Scully smiled weakly. Mulder grimaced. "Scully....You can get through this..." "Mulder, you and I both know this is the end...I'm right on the edge." Scully reached out to his neck and lifted the tiny cross out from underneath his shirt. "You still have it.." "Oh course I do, Scully. I..." Mulder held her hand tighter. "You are my life, Scully...You know, I wasn't lying when I said you make me a whole person." "I figured you were serious. I'm glad I made a difference..." "MAKE a difference, Scully...stop talking about yourself in the past tense..." Mulder smiled and Scully felt a drop on her hand. Reaching out, she wiped the tear off his cheek. She then held his hand in both of hers and spoke: "I will always be with you. I'm a part of you...You may not be able to see me, but I'll be there..." Mulder looked at his partner. Her body was failing her, yet her eyes seemed so full of life. She was confident that this was the right thing, and Mulder wasn't sure if he wanted to believe what she was saying... "Do..you have any more treatments?" Scully paused, searching for the right words. "I could...but I'm not going to." Scully closed her eyes, ready for mulder to explode. Mulder stared at her in shock. "What..Scully - if you CAN receive treatment, you need to! It could help you out! Patients have been known to turn - " "Mulder...I'm a doctor, remember? I know these things. And I know my body. Right now the chemo is just making me worse. I'm going to let nature take its course. Right now...at this moment...I feel that it's the best choice for me...and for you." Mulder looked into her eyes, and realized she was right. His heart refused to believe, but his brain knew. "I trust you, Scully...If you need anything, I'll be here." He silently prayed that she would change her mind. Then he jerked up, remembering something. Reaching into his pocket, he took out another sunflower seed. Opening up her hand, he placed it inside like he hand done when she was sleeping. "This is a little something from me..." Scully opened her left hand and placed the two seeds together. Then she looked up at Mulder, and smiled. 2 days later "You thirsty?" "No...I'm fine." "OK." Mulder fidgeted in his seat, itching to do something..anything for her. "Want me to - " "Tell me a story?" Scully managed to say. She coughed a few times, then settled down. "Well..actually, I was thinking we could just talk...but....why don't I just talk? You close your eyes, and just listen." Mulder smiled at Scully. "All right..." Scully reached up to the night stand and removed the seeds from the top. She held them in her hands. "OK...I'm ready. Wake me up if I start to fall asleep." "Should I be taking that as an insult?" Scully gave him the "Did-You-Really- Just-Say-That" look. "Of course not." Scully took his hand in her free one. "OK, ready, Scully?" "Yep." Scully closed her eyes as Mulder's voice started to fill the room. Suddenly, she felt herself lifting up. Looking down, she saw her body lying on the bed. Shifting her eyes, she saw Mulder talking to her. Scully realized she must've been sleeping, until she looked at her hands. They were semitransparent. That was when she heard a voice. "Dana...It's time..." Scully turned to see her father in the doorway. "Dad?" "Hello Dana. Come on, it's time to go." He held out his hand to her. "Dad..what's going on?" "Dana, the body cannot live forever, but the spirit can live for an eternity. You're body has already failed you..." He looked towards the floor. "I'm.." Scully began to comprehend what was going on. "No..." "You're body is. But your heart is strong...as is your spirit." He held out his hand again. Scully looked at his hand and tears flowed down her eyes. "There's something I have to do first." She turned away and went towards Mulder. Sitting on the edge of the bed, she reached out and kissed him on the cheek. She watched as Mulder put a hand up to his cheek. "Bugs..landing on my face...Scully, I don't know if I ever told you this, but I hate bugs..." Mulder continued to talk to Scully's body. The tears flowed freely as Scully's spirit spoke to Mulder. "Mulder...I will always be here..." She put a hand over his heart. "Right here..." She stared at him for a long while. "Dana...it's time to go." Scully looked at Mulder again, then put her head down and went up to her father. Taking his hand, she started to leave. She glanced back at Mulder once, then left the room. "Scully, was that story boring enough for you?" Mulder smiled, and lightly squeezed her hand. No response. "Scully..come on...it wasn't that boring..stop playing games with me, here!" Mulder tried to keep his tone on the happy note, but was finding it harder to to every passing second. He shook her shoulders, trying to wake her up. No response. "Scully.....Scully, please...answer me....please...." He started shaking her as hard as he could, but her head just lolled back and forth lifelessly. Reaching out, he took her pulse...and felt nothing. "Oh no...no...no. please god no.......Scully, please...." Mulder started to cry and shake violently. He took her hand, lifted it up to his face, and kissed it. The seeds came tumbling to the floor. He picked them up and couldn't stop the tears from flowing. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to mourn the death of Dana Katherine Scully, who's life touched everyone around her..." Mulder sat in his seat silently, letting his mind drift away from the speech. He thought of the times they were together, the times when they were apart, and the time right before her death. A tear made its way down his cheek and into his lap. He didn't notice it. After everyone had left the cemetery, Mulder slowly stood and walked over to the stone. He knelt down, took the seeds out of his pocket, and placed them on the stone. He then reached up and held the tiny cross. He kissed it, then let it dangle from his neck. Putting both hands on the tombstone he spoke. "Scully...I know you're strong. You've always been that way. But I don't have that. I need you to help me, Scully...Please." With that, he bent down, kissed the stone, and walked away into the pouring rain. The End